I Can't Remember What I Never Forgot - 9/11

The amount of commercials advertising various commemorative activities, services, shows, etc. for the tenth anniversary of 9/11 have officially reached overwhelming. Today I thought, "I don't want to remember." I know it was a selfish thought ~ but true.  I can't believe it has been a decade ~ that wound seems so fresh, so new.  I don't want to remember ~ but in reality I never forgot.  There is so much I still feel and see from those days.  So much that I weep even now as I type.

I can't remember what I'll never forget about that day ~ and the ones that followed.



Getting ready for work.

Putting on my make-up.

Hearing the radio announcer say, "An airplane just flew into one of the World Trade Center towers."

Thinking, "Ouch!! A flight control employee somewhere just lost his job!"

An hour later sitting in my cube at work.

A co-worker walking up behind me and saying, "A plane just flew into the White House."

Hearing the woman in the cube next to mine screaming in terror, "NO IT DIDN'T! NO IT DIDN'T!" repeatedly.  (Her son worked in the White House).

Me telling a co-worker to stop exaggerating ~ "There is no way the World Trade Center just collapsed."

The Jack's Hamburger sign in my neighborhood said, "Please donate blood"

Watching the video footage over and over until I was numb.

Seeing the man in his suit jump from his office window. Seeing person after person falling through the air.

The sound of fear and emotion in the voices of the media.

The feeling of helplessness the following days ~ I wanted to go there ~ I wanted to help.

The v.mails the media played over and over of people fully aware of their impending death grasping desperately for the words to express their undying love for the very last time.

The photograph of  George Bush's stunned face as the Secret Service man is whispering in his ear.

Sobbing in the car as I listened to NPR live ~ President Bush standing in the rubble attempting to speak to the workers at Ground Zero.  Hearing the workers yelling, "We can't hear you." Bullhorn in hand George Bush saying, "But we can hear you! All of America can hear you!"

The photograph of the priest's body sitting in a chair two first responders carrying him toward the photographer.

The flowchart taped to an office wall.  Three executives with markers graphing the funeral date and times of the 100's of employees they lost.  One of them realizing live on camera that the funerals of his best friend of 30 years and the man who helped him build his company would be held at the exact moment.  Watching the man's face as reality sank in and hearing him say, "Oh God. What do I do?  How do I choose?" 

It was so much to take in.  So much that even ten years later ~ I still can't take it all in.......I'm sorry. I am so very sorry ~ but I can't take it in.....